LONE BEAR DESIGNS *Click Me!*
So im going into the Freelance market as an artist and graphic designer. Time to grow upon my skills and get paid doing so.
In these times, one has to make money one way or another.
If i was in better shape, i would be a male stripper right now. Maybe i am in another universe.
the Value in effort
well lets see, an update
past few days i been sick and it sucks, but im starting to feel a bit better. hopefully i will make a full recovery by the end of the weekend.
im at a point in my life where i do not know what to do in my future. i dont know career wise,etc. i would like to go to school but the thought of owing more money to this fail of a system makes me depressed. I dont want to owe money anymore. infact i hope in the future Project Camelot takes off. would be interesting to see a new form of civilization take place.
i know i have gotten great advice and opinions from friends that know of the situation of losing someone i thought was an up front friend. But i cant help be still think of the reason. If i really did do something and im not aware of it. It bothers me. i guess the over the years i have taken a real head first dive into finding the source of things that intrest me. about the world, universe, humans and society, animals, anything really. i view all of them as organic puzzles. Granted im not master at it. hell i dont consider myself that good at all in solving them but the thing is i try. i try to understand.
so with this situation. i cant help but feel driven to find the source. the reasoning. right now i have borken down to the most likely situation being a “he said/ she said” situation. im thinking there is a 3rd party involved in it.
how do i know? simple: i dont. But the fact that remains that I dont remember doing or saying anything directly leads me to this theory.
it is easier to cope with a loss when u know the reasons, even if it means u really did do/say something. than just a void of no answer what so ever. If i were to learn from my mistakes, I will never learn from this unless i knew what i did.
this prevents my growth in me as a human being.
But i thank my friends for the advice. And i do take their words to heart. and to show an example of such:
my efforts in trying to find the reason and to resolve the issue showed the value i felt in the bond i had with this person. Mean while their lack of effort and easily dismissing any resolution showed the value they place in mine.
sooner or later the truth comes out. but in the time being. Im not going to waste my efforts on the fruitless.
i hate this feeling i been having. i feel like shit was/is/or will happen(ed/ing) behind my back.
that feeling of lack of trust.
I’m feeling great so far today.
last night had a great BJJ training session
even though this will be my first month back from a 2 year absence from the art of BJJ, it never sises to amaze me of the kind of chess game it is.
granted i am a big guy and i know how to use my weight well, it is foolish to think at anytime u have the upper hand just cause ur bigger.
even though i consider myself more of a lover than a fighter; so to speak, i have to agree with the saying of ” you don’t truly know someone until u fought them.”
after studding this quote, it doesn’t just mean physical fighting but also verbal. like arguments and debates.
added with the mind set Jiujitsu seems to install into ones mind, u see things differently than the average person. It makes u more aware perception wise.
it is then when u are able to connect BJJ mind set with everyday things, it becomes clear
Brazilian Jiujitsu is a way of life
silence leads to a loss
well remember i said a friend put me on the silent treatment. looks like they don’t want to be friends anymore. how do i know? Well with over 2 weeks of silence and ignoring all my forms of communication attempts ( including trying to talk to them in person by going to their house;spoiler: they didnt answer even though their car was there) and then unfriending me ( u know what that term means) i was given an answer with no answer.
in the end of this i lost a friend to something i did/didn’t do/say/etc. im basicly in the dark as to the reason.
losing someone without a backed reason is not only frustrating but saddening. I will be up front with ppl as long as they are upfront with me.
If i EVER did something to someone that hurt them and i didnt notice, i would expect that person(s) to tell me in private, MATURELY.
S I L E N C E S O L V E S N O T H I N G
w t f
random silent treatment from a friend is random.
seriously wtf.
its random to the point where it got me thinking i did something and if i did WHAT is it that i did?!
or what i didnt do?
confusing as hell. nothing gets solved in silence and shit like this drives me nuts.
foreverdaydreamer askedas you requested Jo, published
Anonymous askedwhat surprises me is that why im worth the effort of even messaging or replying to.
I take you are someone i crossed paths with in some point in my life? Someone that i most likely don’t talk to anymore? or lost communication with? maybe even wronged? Im assuming by the choice of words from the last two messages i had gotten from you.
im just a man on a journey in trying to find his place in this life. im light hearted and try to enjoy life the best i can. all the while trying to better myself and not get lost in the lies of others.
